The Top 5 Authors I Want to Have a Martini With

Welcome to my second post on Top Five's.

Last week, I listed the top five books I wished I'd written. This week, I decided to make a short and oh-so-simple list of the top five YA authors I'd like to have a martini with. This quick and easy post would focus only on the authors who would be great conversationalists and intimidating enough that I'd require a martini (or two) to uncleave my tongue from the roof of my mouth.

Turns out it was a very hard list to assemble, and has required actual work and deep thinking on my part, and now I'm tired and cranky and wishing I'd written something truly easy, like a list of my top favorite deserts, or my favorite places to sleep, or perhaps my top favorite excuses for not making a top five list. But nonetheless, here it is.

1. Neil Gaiman. A bit of Roald Dahl with a large dollop of Poe and a smattering of King, with crazy hair and a charming British accent. Totally deserving of number one status.

2. Markus Zusak. Because of The Book Thief, and because he describes his next book thus:
"It's about a boy. His name is Clay. He's building a bridge. And he wants that bridge to be something truly great and miraculous."

3. Laurie Halse Anderson. Chains, Speak, Twisted, Wintergirls, Fever. I'm hoping she won't speak in stunning, one word sentences. Because. I. Will. Freak.

4. John Green. Brilliant, funny, and brilliant. Did I mention brilliant? That, too.

I know, I know. That's only four. I'll come clean here. My real number one choice, and the reason for writing this bogus list in the first place is that I want to have a martini with Anthony Bourdain. He's not even a YA author you say? His writing is quite inappropriate for the young ones? Ah, true enough, but you have to admit, he's well educated, irreverent, potentially dangerous and a bit untrustworthy, making him the perfect number one choice for sharing an adult beverage with.

If you still aren't convinced, please take a culinary moment here to watch this video of Bourdain and a few other impressive cooking types eating dinner at the French Laundry. How they managed to peer into my dreams to reenact my personal fantasy dinner I don't know, but watch while you snack on your leftover meatloaf, or bowl of Top Ramen, or whatever inadequate thing you are eating at the moment. I dare you to refuse a martini (or three, with a side of Marlboro granita) with Bourdain.

Double-dare you.